Depression
by Notebook Girl
Summary: formally Hermiones Story Two: Depression Harry is back from four years in Voldemort's service. Can Hermione and Harry work through the changes in their lives?
1. Chapter one: Angela Garmen

A/N Welcome to Part Two! Isn't that a line from somewhere? Anywho I know where I'm going with this but don't know how to get there. Isn't that how it always is? So on with the show!

             Angelica Josephine Garmen sat at her rickety desk grading second grade spelling tests. She taught at a small school in a town outside of Bristol where she and her three children Benny, Rosie, and Jayme lived. She sighed as she thought of her kids. She fingered the bracelet on her thin wrist and thought of her husband he was off fighting a war and she missed him terribly. She put her red pen in a drawer when she came to her own son's paper. No she wasn't playing favourites Benny could spell. She smiled her small son had so much personality and his medical bills were shrinking finally 

            Timer _check_ what was that noise?

            Helicopter _Check_ what was that?

            As she was putting a gold star on the paper two large bony hands went over her eyes,

            'Guess who Hermione.' She was about to tell this person she had no idea what they were talking about when she recognized his voice.

            Turning around in her chair she gasped and jumped into her beloved's arms. He kissed her and she held it for a while then she pulled away slapped him and headed for the door.

'Ow! What was that for Hermi?' he rubbed his cheek. He grabbed her arm.

She turned and grinned, 'taking so long.' He kissed her.

'You have no idea how much I missed you.'

'I'd almost given up hope.'

'Have faith.' He grinned his face looked unused to the movement. 

He was pale and his green eyes looked hurt and sorrowful with only a hint of the mischief that was once there. He was thin and his messy black hair was oily and unkempt. The black traveling cloak he wore was wrinkled. Just looking at him made her heart ache. 

He stroked her cheek and whispered,

'I missed you so much nights in the Riddle House when it was freezing and I was huddled under a thin blanket the thought of you and the kids kept me warm.'

'How did you find me?'

'The bracelet it was so hard for me to ignore the pull whenever you wanted me.' He kissed her and at that moment Angela Garmen became once again Hermione Granger. Another kiss and she felt seventeen again. 

The door opened and the pinched face secretary Sandra Green entered. Hermione was defiantly less than fond of her the nosy git. So she smiled and said.

'Sandy this is my husband. My name is now Angela and I'm a witch. She took Harry's and hand disappeared. 

Sandra Green was two days later checked into a mental facility because simply no one believed her.

 They arrived at a tall apartment building and Hermione dug out her keys in the elevator .She opened the door and was nearly knocked over by three wiggly bodies.

'Mom Timmy taught me how to play football.' Wonderful at least in the wizarding world there was only quidditch.

'Mummy Jayme took my crayons.'

'Didn't she lost 'em' Hermione smiled.

'Whoa everyone into the family room.' She said. Benjy had been looking down at the football at his feet looked up and saw Harry.

'Dad?' he whispered. Harry nodded. Dad!' He jumped into his fathers' arms. He was incredibly light and skinny for his age. Harry scoped him up.

'Mum?'

'Yes?'

'Can I be Benjy again?'

Hermione smiled.

"Of course' Harry put the boy down and followed Hermione into the family quietly. 

'You okay?'

'Yeah. But after being around cold hearted fools all the excitement gets to you.'

'Does anyone know you're back?' Harry smiled wirily.

'Why do you think Dumbledore sent me away for a while? To let society get used to the fact I was good. But I can end up in azkaban.'

'I know. We'll talk about that once the kids are in bed.' 

She pulled him into he room.

'Who's that Mummy?' asked Rosie.

'This is your father.' She choked on the words she wasn't sure if you had ever say those words again. 

'Hallo there' 

'Kids a long time ago Daddy and I lived in a place where we learned magic. But there was a bad guy who wanted to hurt Daddy. So he went and tried to kill him. Since he didn't like people with non-magic Mummies and Daddies he wanted to hurt me so we came here and changed our names. Our real last name is Potter. You Rosie are Emily Rose Potter and you Jayme are James Harry Potter. I guess tomorrow we will go home.' The kids were staring at her wide-eyed Benjy however nodded,

'Will we see Grandma and Grandpa and Brad again?'

'Yes.'

'And Uncle Ron?' 

'Yes. I hope so.' They order Chinese and several hours later Harry and Hermione were sitting over cold Egg Foo Young talking.

'So Harry darling what happened to you after I left?'

'Nothing much. For a year or so I clung my way up the ladder once I proved my loyalty,'

'Or o he thought.'

'Yes. I worked with Voldemort to find out how he could be killed. I tried hard as I could not to kill to many. But four years after I joined I'd killed for Muggles and a wizard. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I found that the only way to kill him was well when he tries to make himself immortal he protected himself from magic and old age not considering muggle killing.  So I shot him. This was months ago. I then made my way through killing death eaters. I have a list of them which could keep me out of Azkaban.'

'Good. Harry I understand and I want you to know I do and will always love you no matter what. Tomorrow we must go to Hogwarts. Don't you miss your parents? Hell I miss your parents.

'Watch that mouth I don't ant the kids hearing that language.'

; And who is this coming from?' she smiled. Garry threw his hands up.

'I surrender. C'mon lets go to sleep.' They went to bed that night at eleven but at 2, 3, and 4, poor Harry awoke with nightmares. Hermione held him as he apologized.

'Harry don't aphorize you have been through so much baby I love you.' And as if they were seventeen again they were asleep in each other's arms.

A/N ***wipes eyes*** GOOD FIRST CHAPTER?


	2. Chapter Two: So Who Died?

A/N Another Chapter!

            Hermione  woke early to the smell of pancakes. Pancakes? Wait that couldn't be right. Then she remembered. Harry was back! She rushed out of the room and put on her bathrobe.

            'Good morning!' Harry jumped and turned around as fast as possible,

            'Oh Hermione it's you.'

            'Of course.'

            'I well it's hard to get used to well' He didn't seem able to get the words out. 

            'That's okay sweetheart.' She walked over and kissed him he recoiled a bit and she looked startled.

            'Sorry .' 

            'That's okay Harry' He'd get through it in time.

            The kids burst into the kitchen soon enough.

            'Hi Dad!' Benjy said beaming.

            'Hello Ben.' His ad smiled at him and picked him up.

            'Oomph you're heavy. How are you doing?'

            'Fine. I play football now but Mum won't let me fly,'

            'I should think not' Hermione exclaimed. Harry grinned.

            'We'll have to do something about that now won't we?' Hermione remembered that grin. The grin he flashed whenever he had done something like played a prank on Snape. But the sparks in his eyes were missing.

            Though Hermione was glad to see him smile at all she was saddened to see the pain. As Harry cooked she helped Benjy attach his braces. He was quite good at it now.

            Then she helped Jayme button his shirt right. As in right side up. 

            She hustled the twins into the kitchen only to see Benjy flying around on a toy broom.

              'Oh Harry' she said in a sing-song voice.

            'What?' he said innocently. '' he said innocently. '_You _were the one who taught me to do summoning charms.' Hermione laughed.

            'I surrender' she grinned. After the kids had eaten and they had packed all their belongings in a few trunks that Harry shrunk Hermione dug out a back of Floo powder she had hidden away for just this occasion

As she tossed it into the fire she whispered,

            'here we go. Ready Harry?'

            'No Hermi I'm not. But I have to do it sometime' They then took the journey and landed into Prof. Dumbledore's office. The toppled out of the fire on top of each other and Hermione felt someone help her up. She saw to her delight it was Lily.

            'Hi Hermione. Good to see you.' Hermione hugged her and only then did she see who else was in the room. Ron, Ginny, Draco (who was scowling), Fred, George, Ms. Weasly, Mr. Weasly, Sirius, Lupin, James, and Hagrid.. Harry stood behind her shyly his hand in Benjy's. Suddenly a burst of excitement spread through the room and an all out hug feast ensued but really the only people who Harry did not go ridged when they hugged him were his parents. 

            'I'm sure we all want to welcome Harry.' Prof. Dumbledore said,

'But we have a more pressing matter to attend to, Harry you will have to go on trail. I assume you know this?'

            'Yes Headmaster.'            Dumbledore smiled, 'Harry I am not longer your Headmaster.'

            'Yes Headmaster.' Dumbledore sighed. 

'Yes Minister Weasly I assume you will escort him to the Ministry? Seeing the effect Dementors have on you Harry you will be held  in the ministry until your trail. Give the names then.'

            'Yes sir.'

            'Now if you'll excuse me I'll be headed to my Sherbet Lemon Addicts Anonymous meeting' Dumbledore said.

            'I'm not sure I wanted to hear that.' Ron muttered. Everyone else murmured agreement. 

            'So Hermione how are you?' Lily asked as she hugged her once more.     

            'Happy. The muggle world was tough at first. I had to keep my life a secret. But after awhile I got used to it. When I forgot anything one look at  my bracelet quickly reversed that. 

Yesterday when Harry arrived I wasn't happier. He is much the same but he is more cautious. Touch doesn't agree with him much. He has horrid nightmares but he's our Harry What's going on here?' James spoke up.

'Destruction. But we are re-building. The hardest part was people shunning us because Harry was well what he was. Most are now convinced but they took some work… Others…'

'Many we knew turned to the dark.' Ron murmured. 'Pansy Parkinson for one. Millicent Bulstrode.'

'Good riddance.' Hermione said. 'She was horrid.'

'Yes. But the most shocking. Well it was…' Ron couldn't finish and Ginny finished for him.

'Colin. Colin Creevy.' Hermione was stunned. The mousy haired boy who had worshipped Harry? 

'We think it was because Arry did it.' Hagrid added.

'Dennis?' Hermione asked.

'Quidditch played. Odd isn't it?' Ron said. 

'And the deaths?' Hermione whispered.

'Endless.' James said.

'Mad-Eye' Remus said and Hermione felt a pang at his name he was okay.

'Terry Boot that Ravenclaw in our year' Ron added 'Stuart Ackerly. He was okay. A bit reserved but his family was killed at Voldemort's hands.'

'Ron. You said it.' Ron flushed.

'Yeah well I was an Aurour. No one liked me much. As I had a chance to kill Harry.' 

'Yes well' Sirius grew serious (A/N had to do it!). 'Hermione Lavender Brown and Pavarti Patil were killed.' Hermione felt tears come to her face. You don't share a room for seven years without having a small bond. 

'But the worst was well. You aren't going to like this. Neither is Harry. Cho Chang was an Aurour.'

'Oh!' Hermione exclaimed and she sat down In a chair and cried for a minute. First her boyfriend the Cho herself. She noticed the kids were over in a corner with Emily and Brad.  She collected herself when Lily told her they would live in Hogwarts. And showed her to a room.

A/H phew. That was fun. Caffeine good! J/K  R&R is you know what's good for you! Or you want another chapter!     


	3. Chapter Three:Cockney

A/N I decided to put a bit of Hermione's heritage in here. 

Cockney definitions:

Paper hat-Prat

Baked potata-See you later

Elephant Castle-arsehole

Kate mossed it:lost it

Bricks and mortar-daughter

Bo and peep-sleep

Twist and twirl-girl

Bunny-talk

Isle of wright-right.

Inky Smudge-judge

The rooms they were in were bigger than the flat that she had lived in the past five years. There were three bedrooms a living room and kitchen. 

            They have been assigned a house elf who was none other than Dobby. He and Winky now had 13 children Blinky, Hobby, Bilbo, Hinky: Sibby: Libby, Barty, Bubo, Kiddo, Jennifer, Jane, Sally, and Kinfg.

            When she had the kids settled she left them to explore and left Dobby to answer the questions of the wizard world. God knew she deserved a break. But she didn't rest she headed to the Ministry Building. She made her way to the holding cell. She had been here only once before.

*flashback*

_It was summer after fifth year and Harry and Hermione were in the garden at the burrow watching Ron degnome._

_            'I can't believe they took him!' Harry burst out._

_            'I know I know.'_

_            'I bet we can go see him?'_

_            'Really?'_

_            'Yes.' So they called to Ron and Harry went upstairs to get the cloak. They snuck through the ministry building and then as they turned a corner they saw him. A little boy In a cell._

_            'Oh Benjy.' Hermione murmured _

*end flashback*

            Harry sat there his face in his hands.

            'Harry?' she whispered. He looked up.

            'Hey.' He said.

            'What's going on?'

            'They... They are putting me on trial Monday. Arthur thinks my list of names could keep me out but I'm not sure. Professor Snape can vouch that I avoided killing but If you and my parents would tell him of the night I made my decision and you testified that I saved you...'

            'Of course. Harry answer one question.'

            'Yes?'

            'What happened to Cornelius Fudge?' Harry smiled wryly.

            'Ha that imbecile was a death eater.' Hermione gasped.

            'Yes. Yes. He was killed by  Voldemort two years ago when he failed to deliver a niffler to him. He brought a pig.' Harry grinned. 'I know it's not funny that he's dead but you should have seen him struggle with that animal!' He grew serious again. 'there's one person who was a death eater you're not going to like at all.'

            'Who?'

            'Victor Krum.'

            'NO!'

            'Yes' then footsteps resounded down the corridor.

            'Go! Hermi get out of here!'

            'I can't leave-'

            'Bull! Go!'

            She blew him a kiss and ran. She didn't notice where she was going and ran into someone. She looked into a rather handsome face.

            'Sorry so sorry didn't see you.'

            'Quite alright' the voice was oddly familiar.

            'Neville?'

            'Yes who. Hermione?'

            'Yes. Neville. How are you?'

            'Fine. Hermione I have something to ask you.'

            'Yes Nev?'

            'Is Harry really good?'

            'NEVILLE! Of course he is! Why in hell would you think that?'

            'I dunno Hermione all the people he killed and all and the man he worked for.'

            'Look Neville after the trial Harry will find some way to prove to you he is perfectly good.'

            'Whatever you say Hermione. I have to go Aurours are in charge of the rebuilding of Diagon Alley.'

            'I'll baked potata.'

            'Huh?'

            'Sorry my dad spoke cockney. See you later.' She smiled fakely and muttered. 'Paper hat,'

            'What?'

            'Soon at that!' 

_what an elephant castle_. She headed him to find the room empty. Puzzled she dug out Harry's Marauders map which he had left with her. It showed the twins with their grandparents and Bradley and Benjy in the Gryffindor common room. Wondering if she'd Kate mossed it she did  double take then she saw he was with Nadine and Christopher. Nadine was Bill and Fleur Delacoure's bricks and mortar. Chris was Penelope and Percy's son. 

            So with her children taken care of Hermione settled down for a long bo and peep.

            She slept for along time. She didn't realize _how_ long until she awoke twelve hours later. She sat up and looked at the clock which was flashing 6:00 she went into the kitchen and saw Lily there with the kids.

            'Good morning.'

            'hmm Morning.' Hermione yawned.

            'Have a good sleep?' 

            'yes. Thank you for watching the kids.'

            'No problem I missed my grandkids. I missed you to. As soon as this is all squared away you and I need to have a twist and twirl bunny' Hermione's eyes widened,

            'You speak cockney?'

            'Isle of wright' Hermione smiled. They spent the day near the lake the kids shrieking with laughter at the squid and Benjy having a ball on his toy broom. 

            When they entered the courtroom on Monday Hermione whispered to Lily,

            'Who's the inky smudge?'

            'Amos Diggory.'

     A/N DUN DUH DUH DUN

ps. I need! A beta. You can beta all or one of my stories. PLEASE!


	4. Chapter Four: I find the defendant

         'Order! Order in the court.' Hermione was shaking at the sound of Amos Diggory's voice. The coldness in it gave her goose pimples. Luckily for Harry there was a jury. But if he was found guilty there was no telling what the sentence would be. Besides always being very cold-hearted Amos still slightly blamed Harry for Cedric's death.

         She could practically touch Harry from her spot in the front row. His expression was firm, brave. But he was white as a ghost. 

         The wizarding court was hardly different than muggle court. The lawyer for the commonwealth was a witch Hermione had never seen before. Harry's lawyer was Dumbledore.

         After the opening statements Dumbledore stood,

         'Your honour I wish to call my first witness.'

         'Proceed.'  

         'I call Mr Harold James Potter.' Harry walked to the stand his limp more obvious than ever.

         'Harry if you could please explain to the court your reason for becoming a death eater.'

         Harry's voice was firm,

         'First of all I want to say I was never a true death eater. I went with the flow. I did what I had to do. 

         'In my seventh year I started getting threatening letters from Voldemort. Saying things like if I didn't join him he'd kill my friends. And he knew my weak spot. He said he'd torture Hermione and Benjy. I was torn. I had to think for along time. Then after a sleepless night two or three weeks before Halloween I realized what I had to do I had to kill Voldemort. Before telling him I tried to break off my relationships. Drove my girl to be suicidal. Then realized that was ridiculous. They'd wait for me. 

         'On Christmas I sent my letter to Voldemort and on September 1st 1999 I received my mark. I started sucking up to Voldemort. Climbed the inner ladder. Then one night I overheard a conversation. Voldemort was talking to Nagini. He knew I was the only one who spoke parseltounge and he thought I was out. He told her that now that he knew for sure I was on his side he would kill Hermione. I took immediate action. I convinced a snake to take a message to Hermi. 

         'Over the next four years I looked and looked for  Voldemort's weak spot. Then one night about two months ago he called me into his study and told me some of the spells he had used to become immortal and I noticed none of these included anything against muggle killing. So I got a muggle gun. And I shot him. And that was the end of that.'

         'Thank you Harry.' Dumbledore turned to the witch. 'Your witness.'

         The witch's high heels clacked as she walked up to the stand. Her mouth was in a straight line and when she opened her mouth Hermione saw bright red lipstick on her teeth.

         'Mithter Potter ith it true you killed theveral muggleth?'

         'Uh I only killed when I had to in order to gain Voldemort's trust. I killed only two Muggles and three wizards.'

         'Really? Well no further quethions.'

         'Mr Potter you may sit down,' Harry went back to his seat. And Dumbledore stood back up. 

         'Next I would like to call Ms Hermione Potter.' Hermione took a deep breath and stood. Her legs felt like Jell-O that had not yet hardened. She was sworn in and Dumbledore started the questioning.

         'Mrs Potter, did you infact receive the note from Harry.'

           'Yes.'

         'When did Harry inform you of his decision?'

         'Christmas.'

         'No further questions.'

         As the witch approached her she saw the sway in her steps. 

         'Tho Mrth Potter, Mither Potter cathuse you to be thuicidal?'

         Dumbledore stood, 'Objection. Relevance.'

         'Sustained.' 

         'Exthuse me. Mrth Potter did you ever thee eeny criminal intent in Mither Potter?'

         'No none at all.' The lady leered in and Hermione leaned back at the smell of alcohol on her breath. 

         'Really? Are you thure?'

         'Yes.'

         'Okeene dokee.' Hermione went back to her seat and made a drinking motion to Harry who nodded.

         The  trial continued witnesses parading through, Finally the defence rested and surprisingly the commonwealth had no witnesses.

         The jury diberated for three days and on Thursday they reached a verdict.

         'We the jury find the defendant Mr. H. Potter On the count of becoming a death eater through criminal intent,

         Not Guilty

         On the charge of five first degree murders we find the defendant

         Not guilty. (Self Defence).

         The cheers through out the court were enough to deafen even a were wolf. the chains on Harry let go and Hermione raced to him.

         'You did it Harry, You're free.'

         'We're free darling. Except.' Her smile faded.

         'Except what??'

         'I um have to well you see.'

         'Spit it out.'

         'Dumbledore asked me to go and get the orphans of death eater attacks and bring them to an orphanage on the Hogwarts grounds. He also asked me to ask you to help take care of them however the trip will take a month or two.'     

         'Well.' Hermione said trying not to cry, 'Okay. But you tell the kids will you?'

         'Sure. Sure.' 

         They went home that day and Hermione entered the room first. Benjy jumped at her.

         'Mum what happened?'

         'I am afraid that.' She fanned seriousness. And Benjy's face fell. 'That your dad is... FREE.' The smile lit up the boy's face and her yelled,

         'All right!' Harry then entered the room and Benjy jumped at him.

         'Dad!!!!!' 

         'Hey little man!' He swung his boy around and at that moment nothing else mattered  Hermione watched them happily. 

         _Tomorrow_ Harry mouthed _we'll tell him Tomorrow_

A/N Damn writers block.  I hope you liked this one. 


	5. Chapter Five: Four Years Huh?

Chapter 5 

A/N Wahoo ff.net is finally up again!

The evening that followed was quiet in the Potter household; the whole family sat in front of the fire just being a family. Benjy cracked them up with dumb….I mean cute jokes and the twins wrestled on the floor with Harry. Around eight Hermione noticed Harry was slowing down. The twins were endless energy.

'Okay!' She said standing and clapping her hands. 'Bedtime for all those under twelve.' A chorus of groans followed but the children good-naturedly headed off to change.

'Rosie USE TOOTHPASTE' she called after them then turned to Harry who was lying on the floor. 

'Thanks. Gracias. Merci Becoup. And other ways to express gratitude.' 

'Welcome. Languages were the only things I didn't master!'

Harry grinned and for a second she thought she saw the old spark.

'Help?' He asked. 

'No I don't need any thanks for asking.'

She stepped over him and went to help the kids but he grabbed her leg. She found herself on top of him. No sooner had this registered did he roll out from under her and started tickling her.

'Stop! Harry Get Off! Harry! Sexual harassment'

'Call out the aurours!'

'Stop! I mean it.'

'Gimme one good reason.'

'Umm… Couch.'

'Ouchies. Hermi that hurted!' he whined. Grinning.

'I know.' 

'Don't make me regret what I'm about to do!'

'What?' She giggled.

'This!' He embraced her and kissed her hard. After the shock wore off she relaxed into his lips. She never could figure out how long they kissed but the next thing she knew a chorus of really loud giggling was above them. Hermione looked up to see her three children in slippers and robes staring at them. 

'Uh… Hi guys!'

'Mum were you and dad snogging?'

'Watch your language!'

'Sorry.' Dobby bustled in but turned when he saw them.

'Dobby, wait please. What is it?'

'Dobby wanted to know if Master and Mistress wanted the fire out. Dobby will wait.'

'No that's okay.' Harry rolled over and Hermione stood helping him up. 

'Kids in bed. Now.' They scampered and Hermione and Harry followed. They tucked the twins in and as Harry was kissing Rosie goodnight she whispered sleepily,

'I like habin' a daddy.' Harry's voice was choked as he replied.

'I like having a daughter princess.' But Rosie was already asleep.

In their bedroom that night Hermione ached for something closer than kissing.

'Harry? Can we…?'

'Can we what babe?'

'Umm Harry could I….I mean could we maybe.'

'Could we fuck you mean?' he said quietly.

'Mmm yeah. Watch your mouth though'

'I don't think I'm ready.' She kissed him on the shoulder,

'Pwease?'

'Hermi.' His voice was strained. 'I would love to but I just don't think I'm ready.' She nodded.

'That's that's okay Harry.' She held back tears as she kissed him. 'It'll pass.' But it wasn't okay. She admitted to herself. Why couldn't he make love to her? She loved him and he loved her. Didn't he?

'You love me right Harry. Even after these years?'

'Hermi I love you more than life itself. I wish with all my heart that I could make love to you.'

'When do you leave?'

'In a week.' 

'Once before you leave?' 

'Yeah. Okay.' They kissed and Harry rolled over and went to sleep. Hermione however couldn't sleep. She pulled on her robe and went out on the balcony. Tears ran down her face dying to know what happened to her Harry. She stood there looking out at the lake for hours and eventually Harry awoke from a nightmare. 

'There you are.' He murmured kissing her behind her hair.

'Nightmare?' She said. 

'Yeah. Dammit.'

'You dream of people torturing your family. Me. The kids. You're parents.'

'How'd you know?'

'You talk in your nightmares. That and I just know. I will always know.' 

'Oh.' He put his arms around her and she reached up to touch his arms. 

'The kids love you. The twins took to you and Benjy has always loved you.'

'It's hard getting to know your own kids. At least Benjy remembers me.'

'Yeah. He was always asking me where you were, he cried at night up until you came back. I always kept you in our prayers. And when Benjy would pray on his own he asked God to save his daddy.'

'I missed him so much. I had to hide it. All affection. I guess that's why it's so hard for me now.'

She nodded. 'I think we need to go to bed now.' They walked hand in hand to the bedroom. 

The next day Hermione met Ginny at the Three Broomsticks. The kids were with their Uncle and Grandparents. 

'So its been four years since you've… You know.'

'Done the horizontal tango?'

'Hermi!'

'Well it's the truth.'

'So four years that must've sucked?' Hermione bite her lip.

'Mmmm.' She said shrugging. Ginny's eyebrow shot up.

'Whaddya mean?' Hermione chewed on her straw. 'Hermione Marie Granger Potter you tell me what you are _not_ talking about.'

'Well two years ago I was depressed and well it was our anniversary and I was usually sober.'

'Thank the lord.'

'But that night I couldn't take it. I left the kids with a sitter. I went to a bar and got a bit tipsy. You know had a few shots of scotch.' The eyebrow again. 

'And some vodka so I guess was drunk.' Again. 'OKAY and several martinis and I was loaded.' 

'Martinis?' Ginny burst out laughing causing people to glance in their direction.

'Shut up!' Hermione whispered blushing.

'I thought you were never gonna touch those again and the very sight made you nauseated.'

'I was already drunk and I forgot.'

'Bet it didn't take you long to remember!'

' Shut up. So… I was.'

'Martinilized.' Hermione glared at her.

'And there was a guy. His name was Dirk. No wait Dreak. No Dick, or was it Bill?' Ginny shook her head. 

'Hermione from experience when you are drunk you are out of it. His name was probably BobobobobJoe. And if you keep this up I'm going to do a Harry and start banging my head against the wall.'

'Huh? Should that offend me?' she thought about it.

'Forget it. I guess you forgot that part.'

'Oh. Anywho he charmed me. And bought me drinks. And the next thing I know I'm in a hotel room bathroom spewing my guts out buck naked with a hangover the size of Guam.'

'Oi. Hermi. A. Shit that sounds familiar and B. did anything come of it?'

'Yeah. A headache that lasted for a week. And a weeks salary turned over to a seventeen year old gum smacking sitter.'

'Nothing else?'

'Nah. He was never seen again which is good-'

'Because god knows what you said to him.' 

'GINNY- You're probably right.'

'I know. So you gonna tell Harry?' 

'Do you think I should?'

'Um yeah. Tie and gag him and take his wand first.'

'Okay. I think I'll petrificus totalus.' She smiled and they proceeded to talk of other things.

A/N What's Hermione like when she's drunk? You'll find out. Trust me!


	6. Chapter Six: Thith floorth uneven

Thefly: oh no the straw that broke the camels back will be much better*cackles evily* 

Vivwiel: he has hust come from the thmb of moldie voldie and he is unsecure

Chapter 6

A/N Here it is what Hermione's like when she's drunk!

That night she sat Harry down.

'Harry I have something to tell you about my past.'

'Yes Hermi?'

'Um Wand.' She stuck out her hand.

'Don't you trust me?'

'No!' He handed her the wand.

'Okay Harry please don't be mad about this. Petrificus Totalus.' He was paralyzed on the couch as set her eyes on her hands she told him the story.

When she reached the end she looked up at his eyes. They looked confused. 

'I couldn't help it. You know what I'm like when I'm drunk.' The look in his eyes told her he did.

*Flashback*

_It was spring in 6th year and it was a Hogsmeade weekend. Benjy was staying in the hospital wing all night and Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were at the dance club in the village. They were all buzzed but none more so than Hermione she was on her fifth martini and she was having the time of her life. _

_She and Harry were dancing to the Weird Sisters when it first began to show how drunk she was._

_'Whoa Hermione slow down!'_

_'Oh Garry live a little.'_

_'Did you just call me Garry?'_

_'Of courthe not Larry.' She fell into him as she spun and it took her a minute to steady herself. _

_'Damn floor'th uneven'. She yelled to the bar tender 'you need a new floor buddy!' he smiled._

_'We get that a lot.'_

_'Harry I get anoter drink.'_

_'Hermi I think you've had enough.'_

_'Not till Millicent thingth.'_

_'What?'_

_'You knows! De fat girl!' Harry laughed lightly._

_'You know Harry I'm gonna goes to the moon!'_

_'Really?'_

_'Yup me and my pink kitty cat!' Harry tried not to piss himself from laughing. It was the next thing she said that made him go to he wall and slam up agianst it five hundred times._

_'And my brick named Bowser.' Harry did as afore mentioned while Hermione bumped into people on the dance floor._

_Ginny and Ron came up to them then. _

_'Hey mate your gonna give yourself a rotten headache doing that.'_

_'I'm (bam) hoping to (bam) pass out (bam) until she's (bam bam) sober (BAM)' Ron stifled a laugh. _

_'I'm serious. I can't take any more bricks named Bowser. (bam bam bam bam) _

_'NOOO!' Hermione whined coming up to them_

_'What?' Ginny asked._

_'His name is Powser!'_

_'You said Bowser!_

_'Didn't'_

_'DID!'_

_'Don't yell at me!' Hermione cried. Harry continued to bang his head agianst the wall. Ginny went over to Hermione and holding her shoulders led her to a chair._

_'Sit down Hermione.' She whispered. Like a little child Hermione obeyed. _

_'Harry mate cut that out we need to think.' Reluctantly Harry sat and put his now aching head in his hands. _

_'Honestly some people are bad when they're drunk but-' Harry was interrupted by Hermione_

_'Twinkle Twinkle ittle sar How I woner what oo are!'_

_'But she is BAD.'_

_'I am not I am a good girl! Ginny's bad!'_

_'Okay whatever!'_

_'Ha ha Ginny's you're bad!'_

_'How do we get her back to the castle?'_

_'Broom?'_

_'She's scared of heights at the best of times!'_

_'So. She won't remember this. At least if I were her I'd hope I didn't.'_

_'Okay. Whose broom?'_

_'Your girlfriend.'_

_'Oh man!'_

_So they lead Hermione outside while she babbled on about how she liked pickles and hated 'ucky old coocumberth!' They put her on a broom, which she fell right off of. Harry preformed a trick gluing charm along with a time controlled Jelly legs. Yes sir tomorrow at noon Hermione would be a bit unsteady._

_She clutched to him through the whole ride and halfway there she cried,_

_'I don't feel so good.' Right before she threw up._

_'Neither does my broom.' Harry moaned. He didn't fell so hot him self. _

_'Ohh a castle! I'm a princess!' Hermione said pointing at Hogwarts which was up ahead._

_'Yeah.' _

_'AND YOU'RE MY PRINCE!'_

_'Shhh Hermione.' _

_'That's quite all right Mr. Potter.' A shrill voice called._

_'Err… Malfunctioning hair tonic Professor. She'll be fine tomorrow.' Ginny called and they rushed Hermione to the next set of stairs._

_'Harry I'm seepy!' she said when they were one flight away._

_'Hang on we're almost there.' They got to the portrait of the fat lady._

_'WAKE UP!' Hermione cried._

_'Why I never!'_

_'Drobbles Gum!' they pushed Hermione through the portrait hole. She lay down on a couch and curled up._

_'Hermione' Harry said gently smoothing back her hair.' you have to go to your room!'_

_'Go way.' _

_'C'mon.' He haled her up and careful not to wake the others in her room helped her to bed. She leaned on him as he unzipped her dress slipped on a nightgown and laided her in bed. She fell asleep immediately. He smoothed back her hair once more and kissed her,_

_'I love you Hermione.' He left the room and she was snoring lightly._

_When he got downstairs He, Ron, and Ginny looked at each other and burst into hysterics._

_The next morning Hermione moaned after having given up everything she had eaten since the day she was born. She stumbled up and into the common room Harry, Ron, and Ginny were down there._

_'Morning sleepyhead.' Harry said when he saw her.' Have a good sleep?'_

_'No if you must know.' She stumbled into a chair. 'Whoa hold on I'm spinning,' she murmured holding her head._

_'Quite an interesting night wouldn't you say Garry?' Ron asked jovially._

_'Quite right, I do hope my broom can be cleaned.' He smirked and winced. Truth be told his head hurt too though he did manage to keep last nights dinner down. Barely. _

_'Will you please shut up? You're talking too loud!'_

_'Sorry Princess Hermione of the Pink Kitty cat.'_

_'I'm not gonna live this down am I?' Ginny shook her head grinning. _

_'Nope don't think so. Truthfully am I really a bad girl?'_

_'Shut your trap.' Hermione moaned. Harry took pity on her._

_'C'mon babe lets get you back into bed.' He led her upstairs and into bed drawing her hangings so no light could come in. _

_'Do you want anything?'_

_'A sleeping pill and an aspirin and a razor with a chart of the human arteries.'_

_'Aspirin coming up. A sleeping pill might upset your stomach. And I want to keep my girlfriend' She nodded to weak to say anything. He came back with a pain relief potion and Hermione drank it gratefully. He cajoled her into eating some dry toast but even that came back up. Finally he left her to sleep and went to play with Benjy._

_She was better on Monday but after classes she was exhausted and had no appetite. _

_'Remind me never to drink again.' She moaned to Harry that night as he rubbed the kinks out of her back._

_'Yes ma'am' he had replied smiling._

*End flashback*

A/N *grins evilly* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA


	7. Chapter Seven: Daddy

Chapter 7

A/N Everyone get hankies.

She let the body bind go and Harry got hysterical. 

'Bowser the brick!' He hooted. 'You bet your pretty pink Kitty cat I know what you're like when you're drunk!'

'Enough. Just thinking about that gives me a hangover.'

Harry did the sign against evil. 

'So you forgive me?'

'Course. For one thing the string of prostitutes Voldemort paraded through the house. And the look on your face when you were hung over….poor baby.'

'More than when I was pregnant?'

'Much.'

'Hmmm maybe I ought go over to the Three Broomsticks and…'

'NOOOO! God no!'

'Okays.' She went over and sat on his lap. 'Like your any better?'

'Yeah when I'm drunk I'm depressed.' (a/n *sarcastically* NOOOO!)

'Oh. Damn I have nothing to torture you with.'

'Nope so curiously where is this pink kitty cat?' Hermione pretended to think.

'Going to the moon. Isn't that what I said? Right?'

Harry fell over on the couch and banged his head on it.

It was five days after she told Harry about Dirk err Dick err that guy and Harry was leaving the next day. In bed that night Hermione snuggled up to Harry.

'Remember your promise?' he heaved a sigh.

'Yeah.'

'If you don't want to…'

'No it's okay.' He slipped off her nightgown and she his boxers. When he came inside her she felt reluctance. He kissed her and made love to her with a kind of robot-ness. When they separated panting he was quiet for a while. Then he spoke his voice choked with tears.

'Hermi I'm sorry,'

'For what babe?'

'I'm sorry that I have trouble making love to my own wife.'

'Hey that's okay. I'm sure you'll get better. I love you and that's all that matter. I'd never leave you.'

'Not even for Dirk/Dreak/Dick's dick? Ha Dicks dick!' She answered him by hitting him with a pillow. Hard! He laughed and hit her back and an all out pillow fight ensued. 

'I just wanna know one thing!' He cried when the chaos subsided.

'What?' she asked curiously.

'Did that Jelly legs ever take effect.'

'Huh? Oh you mean that time I fell when I tried to go to the bathroom? I thought I was just weak! That was you?'

'Uh huh.'

'HARRY!'

'I was mad!'

'Harry James Potter that was awful!'

'I know. You puked on my broom.'

'I couldn't help it!'

'And I couldn't help the curse. I have a wand hand with a mind of it's own.' 

'Funny.' She hugged him and Harry fell asleep in her arms. Her thoughts turned to the lovemaking. It really had sucked. Poor thing! Well she'd have to show him it was okay to show affection. That was all. But first she'd have to get him to tell her what happened to him. 

The next evening was lonely for all of them. They sat around the fire missing Harry who they had seen off early that morning. Then right before she sent the kids to bed and away from the game they were playing there was a pop and Harry's head appeared in the fire.

'Harry!'

'Hey babe! This is the last wizarding fireplace for a while and I thought I'd call.'

'I miss you already.' She willed herself not to cry. Not again. 'The kids too but they'll be okay.' Benjy came up behind her.

'Dad! When will you be home?'

Harry looked at his son. His oldest son. 'I'm already there inside of all of you. When you eat your dinner I'm there. When you play with your cousins I'm there. I know I'm in your heart.' Benjy nodded. 'And I'll be back physically in a month.'

'Kids Bed.' Hermione wanted some time alone with Harry.

'I really miss you darling.'

'I know Hermi just take it one day at a time. And NO Dick's dicks.'

She grinned. 'Will you drop it?'

'No.'

'Okay.'

'Babe we already went to one house and the destruction was awful. The three children were at a neighbors and their eyes have so much pain.'

'Oh baby.'

'And I help do that!' he shouted. 'I tore apart families. Not just my own.'

'Harry you didn't tear us apart. You brought us closer.'

'Thanks Hermi.' He smiled a bit.

'And you know what you did was best even more kids would be orphans if you hadn't killed him. Maybe even ours. You stopped him Harry.'

'Yeah. Thanks Hermi.' 

'I love you babe. My Harry.'

'I love you too Hermi.'

'Good night sweetheart.'

'Good night babe.' He left and she tucked the kids in fixed her self a Bloody Mary and sobbed. 
    
    He called her on the road
    
    From a lonely cold hotel room
    
    Just to hear her say I love you one more time
    
    And when he heard the sound 
    
    Of the kids laughing in the background
    
    He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
    
    A little voice came on the phone
    
    And said "Daddy when you coming home"
    
    He said the first thing that came to his mind
    
    I'm already there
    
    Take a look around
    
    I'm the sunshine in your hair
    
    I'm the shadow on the ground
    
    I'm the whisper in the wind
    
    I'm your imaginary friend
    
    And I know I'm in your prayers
    
    Oh I'm already there
    
    She got back on the phone
    
    Said I really miss you darling
    
    Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright
    
    Wish I was in your arms
    
    Lying right there beside you
    
    But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight
    
    And I'll gently kiss your lips
    
    Touch you with my fingertips
    
    So turn out the light and close your eyes
    
    I'm already there
    
    Don't make a sound
    
    I'm the beat in your heart
    
    I'm the moonlight shining down
    
    I'm the whisper in the wind
    
    And I'll be there until the end
    
    Can you feel the love that we share
    
    Oh I'm already there
    
    We may be a thousand miles apart
    
    But I'll be with you wherever you are
    
    I'm already there
    
    Take a look around
    
    I'm the sunshine in your hair
    
    I'm the shadow on the ground
    
    I'm the whisper in the wind
    
    And I'll be there until the end
    
    Can you feel the love that we share
    
    Oh I'm already there
    
    Oh I'm already
    
    There

A/N Phew… 'Already there' is Lonestar's!


	8. Chapter Eight: What About Us?

Chapter 8

Hermione sat on her bed with her head in her hands.  It was the morning after Harry's departure and she was trying to collect herself before the children woke up. _It was just so hard waking up in an empty bed she thought as she lifted her head up. Sure she had done it for four years but now that he was back it was different._

She sighed, stood up, and got an aspirin.  That bloody Mary had probably been a mistake but she had needed it. She made the bed the overwhelmingly large bed and started to make breakfast for the kids.

Benjy was the first in the kitchen and he sat down at the table surprisingly subdued.

"Hey champ! What is wrong?"

"I miss dad.  He was barely home for a month."

"I know kiddo but he'll be home soon."  It tugged at her heart to hear him say that.

"Doesn't he love us? He is never home! He barely even knows the twins!"

Hermione couldn't take this she rushed her to the table and grabbed her son by the shoulders resisting the urge to shake him.

"You listen to me young man your father cares about us more than you'll ever know. He's gone out of his way for us! He risked his life for us several times show some respect please Benjy for all our sakes."

"I'm sorry mom "Benjy said meekly "I didn't mean it like that"

"Yes you did Benjy," Hermione sighed "First of all don't lie to me, especially not so early in the morning. Second it's okay. It's natural to be mad at dad. I'm mad at dad. I'm very made at dad but he feels what he is doing is his duty. He needs to help these other kids."

"What about his kids? Why can't someone else save those kids?" _My feelings exactly kid_. 

"He loves you guys. But those other kids don't have families and need to get here soon."

"They don't?"

"They don't. What if it was us? What if there was no me to make your breakfast? No dad to give piggyback rides?"

"I never thought of that. What if some like that happened to you guys?" _Oops._

"You don't need to worry about that, you have family and friends that would never let anything happen to you." He nodded satisfied with the answer and the twins called from the bedroom. The day began.

_________________

They had lunch with Ginny that day and the kids were very good. Madame Rosemerta loved them.

"Ginny. I have something to ask you."

"Okay shoot. As long as it's not like the other day." Hermione grinned and then instantly frowned.

"It is something Benjy said this morning. If some thing happened to Lily, James, Harry and me you'd take care of the kids right?"

"Of course Hermione! Those kids are great and you are my best friend. If anything happened to you guys I would take them in without a second thought."

"Thank you."

"This is about what Harry is doing right?"

"Yeah, no nine year old should have to think of that. And that job! Harry feels roped into it. After one day I know it's depressing him. When he comes home it will be even harder to draw him out of his shell. I hope I am up to it."

"Hermione, Benjy is not your run of the mill nine year old. Harry is not an ordinary guy. And you are the strongest woman I know."

"No i'm not. I'm weak. I cry at the drop of a hat. I couldn't kill a dark lord if he was unarmed and on a target."

"Stop it Hermione! Stop putting yourself down! You're human. You raised Benjy from when you were sixteen! Tell me, what other girls in your dorm could do that? Lavender Brown? The boy crazy makeup obeser? Pavarti Patil? Well she was a damn whore!"

"Thanks. And shush little pitchers have big ears."

"Sorry."

"S'okay."

"Where are the kids?"

"With Madame Rosemerta." Ginny craned her head.

"Don't think so, they changed shifts. Damn that bartender's hot. He looks familiar. Hmmm. OH SHIT!"

"What?"

"He's from theantsub"

"Huh?"

"The dance club,"

"OH SHIT!" people were staring and they lowered their voices.

"What is he doing here?"

"They closed the old place in seventh year." She sighed and gritted her teeth and walked to collect her kids. She ducked her head as she approached. _Please don't recognize me_. 

"Mum this is Graig." She was forced to look up and for one fleeting second she thought she saw a look of recognition pass through his face. _ Years of the incident not being spoken of and suddenly it is all over the place!_ She must have imagined the look. She had to have imagined the look! _Please let me have imagined the look!_

"Hello. Great kids."

"Thanks. That's why I bought 'em"

"Ha! Good one Miss- err."

"Mrs actually Mrs Potter."

"Damn." He muttered. "Well I'll see you."

"Right. Bye." 

"Bye!" The kids chorused. _Yes!_ Hermione thought but as soon as she reached the door she realised that she triumphed to soon as he called out "Watch the floor! People tell me it'th uneven." 

She turned and glared at him blushing like mad but he just winked. _Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn_. Ginny followed them out laughing and Hermione ignored her until they got to the castle.

"Okay Ginny you've had your laugh! I can't ever go there again!"

"Sorry. Wait no I'm not!"

"Ha ha funny. Soon the whole town will be talking. I can just hear them now._ Hermione Potter's a drunk!_ " 

"Okay I'll stop. Calm down! No one heard!" And she did stop. Until she got home and told Draco!

  
Here I am - this is me   
There's no where else on earth I'd rather be   
Here I am - it's just me and you   
And tonight we make our dreams come true   
  
It's a new world - it's a new start   
It's alive with the beating of young hearts   
It's a new day - it's a new plan   
I've been waiting for you   
Here I am   
  
Here we are - we've just begun   
And after all this time - our time has come   
Ya here we are - still goin" strong   
Right here in the place where we belong   
  
Chorus   
Here I am - next to you   
And suddenly the world is all brand new   
Here I am - where I'm gonna stay   
Now there's nothin standin in our way   
Here I am - this is me

  



	9. Chapter Nine: Justin

Hermione was lying on her bed with a cold washcloth over her eyes. The kids would be home within the hour and she wanted to get rid of this pulsing headache behind her eyes before they arrived. Today had been a trying day from when she sent them off to start at Hogsmeade Primary. Benjy hadn't wanted to go.

"I dun't want a new teacher." He had cried. "I want you!"

"Benjy you'd have had a new teacher anyway! You're in third grade now. Go into the school!"

"NO! I'm not moving!"

"Benjamin get in that building right now!"

"NUHUH." she knelt down to look in his eyes.

"That's not all is it?"

"I miss my friends. And… I want daddy to be here." Oh lord why me?

"I know honey we all want Daddy to be here but he can't be. We've had this talk before."

"I know but I still miss him." she hugged him.

"I know you do but he wants you to go to school and get a good education now go on shoo!" he smiled tearily and slowly, braces clanking walked into the school. The twins had been standing by her side during all this and she took one by each hand and walked inside.

When they reached the kindergarten the elderly teacher greeted them with a surpy smile and with a voice so smooth Hermione wanted to break it informed them that,

"Deatheater's children can't be taught here." Needless to say this didn't put the woman on Hermione's good graces.

"Excuse me ma'am?" 

"You heard me young lady. If you would kindly leave my sight."

"Listen you err-"quick glance at her children who were staring at her. "I mean ma'am first of all my husband was acquitted by the ministry. Secondly that has nothing to do with my children's schooling." The smile was pasted on now and the voice not so syrupy.

"Yes I am afraid it does. We don't want any trouble here and"

"Right then I shall go speak to your boss then shall I? Come along children." She spun around and headed toward the office.

"Mommy what does come along children mean?" Rosie asked curiously.

"The same thing as c'mon kids we gotta go."

"Oh." She then barged right into the principal's office after leaving the children on a bench outside not wanting them to hear what she wanted to say. The Principal was a fat balding man who seemed to be the type who needed a midlife crisis.

"Mr. Dryashel."

"Yes Mrs. Potter? What can I do you for? Heh heh." He laughed as if he had invented that phrase.

"I am here to complain about that bitch you have down in room two. She refuses to take my children though I thought I remembered a meeting with you just yesterday about my husband's past not affecting my children did I not?" 

"Yes of course I don't know what got into Ms. Olebatte's head. Of course you're children can be taught here. Of course now I don't think Ms. Olebatte would be best for them. How about Mrs. Sugnspice, of course I should have thought of her before."

"That'll be fine of course."

"Good good." The oblivious man didn't even notice her mocking him. 

So then she led the children to room one where a nice young teacher greeted them. As she walked away she couldn't help shedding a tear at how fast her kids were growing up. 

She had then helped with the preparations of the rooms the orphan children would have. She had spent the day on a twelve-foot high ladder tediously painting spots on a thirteen-foot high giraffe. She had been nearing the finish when a sixth year who had volunteered to help had fallen off a nearby ladder flinging paint all over her work. She had been forced to start over and hadn't had time to get half done.

So now she lay on her bed grimacing at the memory of the past day. She was drifting off to sleep when there was a knock at the door. Who the hell? She got up blinking hard. She staggered into the main hall and opened the portrait. She squinted at the person in her doorway. Blond hair and silver eyes? Who was it?

"Hello Hermione. Don't recognize me?" she shook her head painfully. 

"Let me give you a hint to quote Ron, 'I never thought I'd let a Malfoy sit with us' although now look who has a Malfoy for a brother in law?" headache forgotten she smiled.

"Hey Justin! How have you been in the past oh five years or so since I last saw you??" She hugged him tightly.

"Fine Hermione just fine. It's nice to know we're practically related." His voice had gotten much deeper and he was taller nearly six foot she guessed. 

"Yes I'm so sorry I missed the wedding but well you know…"

"Yeah I guess I do. Who'd have thought it though? A Malfoy marrying a Weasley? The wedding was something though. The bride and grooms sides glared at each other the whole time and Ginny - the smart thing - banned alcohol from the reception. There were enough quarrels as it was." 

"I'll bet." Then she seemed to remember herself. "Oh where are my manners? Come in. Gosh you've grown." They sat on the couch.

"Not quite twelve anymore am I? Eh?" he grinned. It was crooked charming sort of grin that she guessed by now had charmed plenty of girls. And once upon a time would have more than likely charmed her if she hadn't been taken from the time she was ten.

"No sire you're not. So got a girlfriend?" she really didn't need to know the answer. She could remember fifth years whispering about

'That hot first year with the silver eyes." 

"As a matter of fact yeah I do. Her name's Illana Patil. She's a sixth year actually. But she's an older sixth year. Her sisters came here when you were here right?"

"Yeah they did. Wasn't Pavarti…" she trailed off not wanting to finish but he knew what she meant and nodded

"And Padma." She sucked in a breath this was a detail no one had bothered to tell her. They had probably guessed she didn't know her and in truth she didn't. Not well anyway. She had been the Ravenclaw Prefect so they had met but nothing more than brief "Hello how are you" still the news was shocking.

"Oh how awful for their family…" she was broken off by a bustle of motion from the main hall and a portrait slamming. 

"MUM WE'RE HOME!" was the excited yell.

"No kidding? I thought it was just a herd of elephants." Benjy ran to her laughing.

"Good day?" he smiled at her, a charming smile that hadn't changed since he was two,

"Yeah there are some cool kids but I miss you being my teacher." I do believe the whole of Hogsmeade heard that this morning.

"Gee thanks kiddo. You miss your friends too don't cha?"

"Yeah 'specially Timmy but it'll be okay I guess. This one guy's real nice he talked to me and didn't say a word bout my braces and we played football."

"Oh yeah? That's great. Maybe he can come over sometime and see Hogwarts early. What's his name?"

"Erm Theo I think. Yeah, Theo Diggory's his name." Next to her Justin whistled. Hermione nodded and Benjy turned.

"Hey Justin!" Why does he recognize Justin and not me? Silently she answered her own question because he didn't have a head that was about to fall apart.

"Hey little man long time no see." The twins who had been waiting patiently barreled into Hermione's arms.

"Whoa hey guys. How was kindergarten?" they smiled and in unison replied,

"Good!" Jamie scampered off but Rosie stayed always having to give a commentary,

"Ms. Sugnspice is great and she let me paint a picture. I'm gonna give it to daddy! It's of a unicorn. Can you put it somewhere safe?" she handed her mum a rolled up piece of paper.

"Sure sweetie. Go play with your brother okay?" Rosie ran off happily and Benjy followed a minute later.

"So um want to stay for dinner? We're having steak and kidney pie. I'm about to start fixing it and though the houselves can cook so can I." he nodded smiling.

"Sure I'll stay." She smiled. That night was nice to say the least. The kids loved Justin and he seemed to take to them. He spent dinner telling them stories of princesses and dragons and of brave wizards concealing themselves as knights. That night Hermione went to bed happy.


	10. Chapter Ten: Suspicions

Justin continued to come over nearly every afternoon. The next time he brought a pair of toy brooms for the twins and a few weeks later he brought a whistle for Benjy. After receiving her gift Rosie had presented him with a gift. A picture of a dragon. 

Soon after he volunteered to help with the orphans' quarters and Hermione found herself enjoying his company. He was funny and charming. He seemed to be able to make the tedious work of constructing a living area for children who had been through so much as easy as tying a knot in a piece of wet string. 

it wasn't for a month after he started coming that he brought a bouquet of roses for Hermione.

"Oh Justin they're beautiful… But I can't accept them right now or ever really." The boys face fell.

"Why not Hermione?"

"You know why, because of Harry. I am eternally faithful to him and I can't have someone trying to you know intrude on my family. I'm beginning to worry about the kids as it is."

"He's not here, I am." He said raising a blond eyebrow.  She sighed at his naivety.

"Justin I'm true to my husband, please don't make him being away any harder on me."

"Okay them. That's fine I won't pressure you Hermione. I just want you to know I'm here."

"I know that Justin and you're a great friend."

"Is that all I am to you?"

"Justin you're eighteen I'm twenty-three with three kids!"

"So?"

"So? So I'm married! Yes you are my friend Justin but that's all. Please be satisfied with that!"

His coming after that was less and less frequent, until he had stopped coming at all. Hermione wasn't sure whether to be grateful or not. One afternoon about two months after Harry left Benjy came home with a black eye and a scowl the sized of Mt. Kilimanjaro.

"What happened to you?" she had returned home late her clothes covered in bright paint and baby drool from helping with the children that had recently arrived.

"Nothin'. I'm supposed to give you this." He thrust an envelope at her. She grabbed it and he raced out the door. She flopped onto the couch and opened the letter.

_Dear Mrs. Potter_

_            First of all I would like to say what a joy it is to have Benjy in my class oh boy not a good sign. __ But I have to tell you that that joy has been tested this past month or so. Yup not good.__ Your son has become very withdrawn and not as outgoing as he was near the beginning of the year. I do not know if you have noticed but he seems to have dark circles under his eyes and some of the other students have commented that Benjy never seems to finish his lunch._

_            Also I have noticed that he doesn't seem to play with the other children at recess. I know that phisical play is hard for him but once a week or so we have a "Quidditch Match" on toy brooms with slower balls. At the beginning of the year Benjy was exuberant and always begged to play seeker. Now he is more nonviolent only playing when asked to and playing what ever position her gets. _

_            Now nothing bad had come of this until about a week ago when I saw a direct decrease in the quality of his schoolwork. His usual good spelling and addition skills seemed to shrink and he hardly ever volunteers answers anymore. Today however something that I'm sure neither of us could have anticipated happened. On the way in from recess Benjy struck another boy for no reason that I could detect. Both boys fought until I could get to them to separate them. I would like you to please talk to your son and maybe get him into counseling._

_            Once again I must reiterate I love having our son in my class and hope any problems can be worked out,_

_                        Yours truly,_

_                                    Sarah Ann Bennet_

Oh how wonderful now her kid was going to be a playground bully what an impression the world would have of the Potters' now. 

Hermione sat down on the couch and let the letter flutter down to the floor. What was she going to do about this? Before she could make up her mind there was a knock on the portrait. _NOT NOW! She was planning not to open it but Dobby got there before she did. _

"It is Master Justin Mistress."

"Coming. Dobby why didn't you tell me you were back. Bilbo feeling better now is he?"

"Yes Mistress but I won't be here long now poor Kinfg has the bug too." A houself flu had been going around the school and had, a month ago, started striking Dobby's brood. Kinfg was the last to catch it and they had all been hoping he (the baby) was immune. 

"Hi Justin Look this isn't such a good time… bit of a crisis…"

"Please Hermione I need to talk to you." His face was twisted and he looked and sounded desperate so she led him to the couch.

"Alright what's up?" 

"It's Illana. She-she-she- she broke up with me. We've been going out for nearly four years now. Even before her sister's died. And she's threw it out the window." He then burst out crying and she hugged him. After a few minutes a sudden voice rang in her ears.

"Well isn't this a pretty picture." They broke apart and there in the fireplace was Harry's head.

"So this is what you've been doing while I was gone eh Hermione? Loving on a boy who doesn't have nightmares all the time? Cheating on me again huh Hermione? After all these years? Oh wait I forget it hasn't been that long since you cheated on me has it?"

"Harry, stop this!"

"Oh why should I? I called to tell you I'm coming home tonight but I hate to break up your fun it's been two months and you've already turned your back on me. Tell me how many were there the past five years? How many besides the one you choose to tell me about? Or was there only one lasting relationship that you miss?

Tell me will you go back to him? Maybe on my way home I should pick up a scarlet "A"? 

"Harry please!" 

"Please do? Are you admitting it?"

"NO! I'm-"

"Save it. I'll be at Ron's." He disappeared with a pop and Hermione stood motionless in front of the fireplace. She stood there not saying anything not thinking anything just sitting there. After what seemed like an eternity Justin spoke.

"Oh Hermione I'm sorry but maybe it was for the best I mean." He smiled a bit "Harry hasn't exactly stood by you these past few years now had he?" 

"Go." She whispered. His smile faded.

"But-"

"I said get out of here! And don't come back!" he stood.

"Sure whatever you want." His voice was snarly and she had a brief thought of how it resembled his brother. She heard the door slam and the portrait of Merlin shout,

"See here young man this frame is 1,000 years old if it breaks we're all in danger I say well only because it's heavy but…"

Hermione ignored this though; she curled up on the floor racked with endless sobs.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Falling Apart

When her sobs subsided she decided to do something constructive to take her mind off Harry and her hope that he would forgive her. Not that she needed to be forgiven. Oh no he needed to apologize to her! But enough of that she couldn't bear it. 

            The twins were staying at a friend's house that afternoon so she decided to seek out Benjy. She dug out the old Marauders map and had to let another wave of sobs subside before using it. She saw Benjy behind a statue on the fourth floor. 

            She left their rooms and sought out her son. She stepped out behind him slowly. He was crouched his head in his knees crying. She silently sat next to him and put an arm on his shoulder. He jumped but didn't look up

            "Benjy sweetie what's going on?" _Wish I knew what was going on anywhere not just with him._

            "Nutin." His reply was muffled but his arms.

            "Your teacher doesn't think it's nothing." A sniffle was the only reply she got. Slowly she lifted his head up to face her. His nose was running and his entire face as sopping wet and red. The bruise around his eye was more blue than balck now and she did notice those bags now that she thought about it. When she looked at him more tears cascaded down his face. 

            "Honey, please tell me what's wrong. I can't help you if I don't know and I want to help you. I love you."

            "No you don't. You don't love me and neither does daddy or Justin or anybody!"

            "Oh baby." She hugged him close. "Oh angel why do you say that?" he cried into her paint covered sweatshirt for awhile before answering.

            "Acause Daddy left me and you yell at me all the time and Justin left too! No one else pays any attention to me! Nadine and Chris are always busy and Grandma and Grandpa are always teachin'! The kids at school tease me but Mrs. Bennet don't notice or don't care I dunno which!" she hugged him tighter and spoke right into his ear.

            "Listen to me Benjy I love you do you hear? When I yell at you well it doesn't mean I don't love you! I well" _how do you explain to a kid why you yell at him without yelling at him? "Either I'm scared you'll get hurt or you're being unreasonable. But I'll try harder not to I promise._

            "And Daddy, well Daddy-"Daddy_ is a self-centered bastard who thinks he can jump to conclusions about his wife who had been faithful to him for years. "Daddy loves you… he's coming home today… but um he has to go to Ron's for awhile first."_

            "Why?" _See previous answer_

            "Business. And everyone else gets busy but they love you. It's not your fault. Hey Ben?"

            "What?"

            "How long have you been feeling bad?"

            "Since daddy left. I can't sleep anymore and I'm not hungry much either."

            "Well are you feeling better not?"

            "Sorta."

            "Do me a favor?"

            "What?" he asked skeptically. 

            "Let's always tell when we're upset okay? That way you don't have to not be able to sleep or eat."

            "Okay."

            "While we're being honest I need to tell you that daddy might not be home for awhile. Mommy and Daddy aren't too happy with each other right now but don't you worry you got me? If you are worried you tell me right away okay?"

            "I guess."

            "Now about this fight today."

            "Uh oh."

            "No uh oh just tell me who you fought."

            "Theo." 

            "I thought he was your friend."

            "He was but he asked me what was wrong and you always say daddy's job shouldn't be talked about and he asked if it was because my dad was a deatheater and I slugged him"

            "Hmm…. How about tomorrow you tell him that Dad wasn't a deatheater that he just had to help and that you're sorry okay?"

            "Tomorrow's Saturday."

            "So? I happen to know Theo lives at the school."

            "Why?" _Because his parents couldn't bear it after Cedric the Perfect died._

            "We'll talk about that later." She helped him up and they went home.

            Hermione was the one who didn't eat much dinner and couldn't sleep that night.

            The next morning she sent Benjy to the village and stayed inside until Ron came to see her at around ten.

            "Your husband showed up at my house at two this morning," was his greeting as he entered through the portrait.

            "Hello and good morning to you too."

            "Yeah yeah mind telling me why he didn't go home?" 

            'Let him tell you I have to go get the twins."

            "Lily went to get them and he isn't talking. Hasn't infact said a word since he arrived! It's driving Susan batty and that is the last thing she needs."

            "How many months now?"

            "Seven don't change the subject."

            "Alright alright. Harold James Potter thinks I'm cheating on him with Justin Malfoy. In fact he thinks Justin is one of a series of flings. Which of course he isn't as I am not cheating on my husband and never will be."  

            "Ouch. He is quick to draw conclusions isn't he?" Hermione smiled ruefully.

            "The worst ever seen." Ron sighed.

            "Want me to talk to him?"

            "Would you?"

            "Sure Hermi I will." He turned. "What's easier to body bind him or just to silence him so he can say a spell?"

            "Body bind."

            "Gotcha." 

             That evening she sat alone in the family room ringing her hands and waiting for a call from Ron. The kids were in bed and Benjy was happy since Theo had forgiven him. A sudden pop made her dash to the fireplace but Ron's face was forlorn.

            "No such luck. In fact his parents Ginny Sirius and I have tried to talk to Harry and nothing has worked." Hermione sighed,

            'I guess it's to be expected. I just hope he comes around. Thanks Ron for trying anyway." Ron nodded.

            "No problem I guess. I'll keep trying too bad he can resist Imperio I'd make him listen." 

            "Yeah you could do it too since you're and aurour. Too bad." Ron nodded and disappeared. Hermione went to bed but sleep wouldn't come for a long time and for that time only tears would visit her. 

            The next day she went to Ron's.

            He was in the Weasly's guest bedroom sitting on a window seat in traveling robes that were dirty and frayed. His glasses were smudged in a way that let people know he didn't want to see out nor didn't he want them to see in. she noticed how thin he was the momment she opened the door. He seemed to hear it open but he didn't acknowledge it. Slowly she walked in and sat on the unmade bed.

            "Harry?" silence. "Harry… I just want you to know I would never cheat on you. I love you no matter if you believe me or not and I would swear that under Veritissarum. Justin was a friend in need and I can't resist that. Seems to me you were a friend in need yourself several times.

            "I'm so sorry if you got the wrong impression because I love you Harry with all my heart.  And these past five years I have only been with someone else once and I apologized for that already did I not?" Nothing from the window. She felt herself looking past him at the snow that was starting to fall.

            "Remember how we used to go skating? We found that pond in fifth year and for the longest time it was our pond. You taught me to skate that November and I loved it. That was our last winter alone. Well after you left I went looking for another pond like that and I never found one. I had always hoped that you and I would go back to that pond. Our pond." Still se got no response. She looked at him again and stood. 'Good bye Harry. Remember I'll love you even if you don't love me." She said good bye to Susan and wandered off without a real destination. 


	12. Chapter Twelve: From Death To Happiness

            That afternoon she went out and bought five pairs of ice skates. She was waiting for her kids when they ran out the door of red brick school. The twins ran to her hand in hand and Benjy followed slower talking to a brown haired boy with black eyes boy she now knew to be Theo. 

            "Hey Benjy want to go ice skating?" she called. Both boys ran up to her. 

            "Mum?" he asked quietly looking quite confused.

            "Yes?" she smiled

            "Lean down." She did so and he felt her forehead." Not hot… Are you sure you're feeling okay? You _hate_ sports and I am quoting you here mum, 'Benjy I know you want to play football but I can't stand sports! They're too sweaty and to dangerous I hate standing out in all weathers watching people chase or hit a ball!'" she laughed.

            "Yes Ben I am fine and I love ice skating. It's not hot there are no balls and the weather is beautiful. So how 'bout it? I have skates for Theo too." The boys exchanged glances and smiled at her Benjy however was shaking his head. 

            "Sure!" he said after a moment so she led them all to the nearby pond that she and Harry had discovered all those years before. The December air had frozen it over nicely. She helped fasten four pairs of skates and laced up her own. 

             Benjy knew how to skate somewhat due too after school lessons at the park while she worked and Theo had apparently had more than that. She guessed because of his families' athletic background.

 But instead of running off to play alone like she had suspected they would the boys helped her teach the twins. Both were surprisingly patient and Benjy explained –after being questioned directly- they had been working with the younger kids on a Christmas pageant. 

            When all could sufficiently stand on the ice without to much trouble they began to goof off and even Hermione joined in the fun. The only thing she directly interfered with was a game of crack-the-whip Benjy and Theo tried to start. She twirled and showed off her years of visiting this lake with her boyfriend. Her lithe body made her look like a figure skater and her hair flew out from beneath her hat. 

 She started to skate to the end of the lake they hadn't visited skating faster and faster the kids cheering her on.

            She let all her worries and fears drift away in the speed and adrenaline. She skated so fast she didn't see the huge crack on the ice. Only Benjy saw it.

"MUM!" he cried, but he called out to late. With a sickening crash Hermione's body slipped through the ice. She screamed as she fell under into the icy water. She felt the cold to her very soul and felt the breath leave her. Instinctively she took a breath and immediately wished she hadn't her lungs been filled with water and all attempts to puller self out failed. She knew she would die. She had heard one of the kids run for help but she knew it was too late. 

The one last thing she did before losing consciousness was grab at her bracelet that she still wore though she wasn't sure why and wish hopelessly for her husband. The last thing she remembered before her world became completely black was something lifting her up and wondering if she was going to heaven

When she regained something that could barely be called consciousness she was aware of being held in strong arms and being cold. Even though she seemed to be freezing, she felt safe.

"Sleep Hermi it'll be okay." A voice said. It didn't register but the words did and she relapsed into sleep.

 When she next awoke she awoke slowly. The first thing that recovered was her hearing she heard voices above her but at first she didn't know who they were.

"Nearly lost her-"

"If you hadn't gotten there-"

"Will she be okay?"

"She'll be fine Ben." _Ben… Ben…._

"Benjy?"

"She's awake!"

"She spoke."

"It's me Mummy." She opened her eyes slowly and was then awake she was in a bed and not just any bed but her bed. Above her she saw Ron, Benjy. The elder Potters and,

"Harry?" she whispered her throat sore. He smoothed her hair.

"It's me darling.' She opened her mouth but he put a finger to it. He looked at all the others in the room and they filed out though Hermione didn't notice.

"Shush. I just want to say I'm sorry. Amazingly sorry. I should've never in a million years doubted you. I always loved you too. I just thought I guess that out in the real world a person couldn't live alone without longing for some companionship and I was scared. I just didn't take into account my knowledge that you would never cheat on me."

"I did long for something though. I longed for you." He smiled at her. 

"I know darling. The bracelet, remember it told me when you wanted me. I just I don't know I was foolish I guess. And there's something you don't know that once you do will make you think I am a complete fool and you will hate me for it," he took a deep breath. "the bracelet is supposed to tell me when you are unfaithful.

"Once you told me what happened I thought that it was faulty I guess because it didn't go off then but now I realize that you weren't being unfaithful because you weren't in your right mind at all. So I know you love me." He sat down on the bed next to her and kissed her she kissed him back and before long they were with each other and it was the most glorious feeling Hermione had ever had. 

"I love you Hermi." He whispered in her arms.

"Oh I love you too" she croaked. 

She was ill for the next week or so with a cold and aching mulses not to ignore a sprained ankle but none of it seemed to matter. Her family was back together.

One afternoon they were all sitting in front of the fire Hermione wrapped up in blankets and Harry told her his plan.

"I know Neville doesn't trust me. He was one of the Aurours accompanying me on the voyage and I think I know how to win him back onto our side. Not to sound like a politician but it is the truth. About a year ago in Voldemort's library I found an interesting spell book. Inside was a description of an odd and old spell designed to bring people back from insanity. 

"After studing it for awhile I relized I might be able to do it. I asked Neville about it today and after glaring at me for a full minute ( breaking a record Malfoy had held) he conceded that he'd tried everything else. I am going to try it on his parents tomorrow."

"Oh Harry that's so considerate of you baby. You might want to get some sleep."

"You can make it to bed okay? Ankle and all?"

"Yeah just put the twins down would ya? Rosie likes it when you read to her and I need to talk to Ben." At the sound of his name Benjy looked up and she nodded at him. While his father lassoed his siblings he crawled up on to the couch next to his mother. She put a loving arm around him and he snuggled up next to her.

"How are you holding up champ?" 

"I'm good how are you?"

"I'm great. Are you glad Dad's home?"

"Yes. Are you? You're not mad anymore?"

"No I'm not. And you know what I'm proud of you.

"Why?"

"Because you kept your head in a crisis. Your dad told me how you handled your brother and sister. You and Theo did a great job I'm told." He blushed

"Yeah. It's thanks to Mel that we know how to take care of kids."

"Mel?"

"Yup. She's a girl at school. She told us that we can't talk to the kids like they're babies even if they are. We hafta talk to them like they're as old as us." 

"She's right. Do you like her?"

"Yeah for a girl she's okay."

"Gee thanks."

"You're not a girl you're my mum!" 

"Oh okay. No more fights?"

"Nope I promise."

"Okay. Hey Benjy?"

"Hmm?" he was getting sleepy now she could tell."

"I like having these talks."

"Me too. Hey mum?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we do this even after I go to Hogwarts?"

"Of course sweetie." 

A/N well that's it for now I'm not sure how I'm going to continue


End file.
